Tantrum-Fixing Technique

This is a technique for dealing with a person who has lost his or her temper and is behaving badly.

Take the following steps:

1. Listen to what they say - do not interrupt (interrupting makes it worse).

2. Summarise what they have said, using their language and intonation. This will show that you have understood the urgency of the situation and their feelings, e.g. 'You are very annoyed that the project is running late. This is giving you lots of problems and making your life very difficult. Is that right?'

3. Pause and wait for them to either agree or disagree that you have correctly understood what they have said.

If they say 'Yes. ' Continue with the next step; otherwise go back to step one (1).

4. Ask them what they would like you to do.

Listen carefully.

5. Explain exactly what you can do, what you can't do, how long it will take, what the cost will be (if appropriate).

If they lose it again, just go back to step 1.

Keep repeating the process till you get a reasonable response. It usually only takes a couple of rounds.

Results

One client saved himself £25,000 through using this so make sure you have it ready to use when necessary.

Why does it work?

A primary need of a person throwing a tantrum is to be heard and listened to. They want some attention. By listening to them and summarising back what they have said, you have met their needs. So their emotion changes to something more positive.

People who are this upset have usually not really worked out how to meet the need. Neither will they have thought about anyone else. Lastly, they will have been getting away with this behaviour because no one will have challenged it before. You are challenging it. You are showing them that, when they calm down, that you are prepared to talk and you are actively helping them to calm down (a skill which they may find quite hard to learn).

If you still need help, call me on 01530 224295 or email me at nancy@vinehouse.co.uk

Or get my products on dealing with difficult people:

Difficult People Made Easy

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