Tantrum-Fixing Technique
This is a technique for dealing with a person who has lost his or her temper, is angry and is behaving badly.
Follow these steps to fix a lost temper or a tantrum (they are the same thing):
1. Listen to what they say - do not interrupt (interrupting makes it worse).
2. Summarise what they have said, using their language and intonation. This will show that you have understood the urgency of the situation and their feelings, e.g. 'You are very annoyed that the project is running late. This is giving you lots of problems and making your life very difficult. Is that right?'
3. Pause and wait for them to either agree or disagree that you have correctly understood what they have said.
If they say 'Yes. ' Continue with the next step; otherwise go back to step one (1).
4. Ask them what they would like you to do.
Listen carefully.
5. Explain exactly what you can do, what you can't do, how long it will take, what the cost will be (if appropriate).
If they lose it again, just go back to step 1.
Keep repeating the process till you get a reasonable response. It usually only takes a couple of rounds.
Results from using this technique
One client saved himself £25,000 through using this so make sure you have it ready to use when necessary.
Why does it work?
A primary need of a person throwing a tantrum is to be heard and listened to. They want some attention. By listening to them and summarising back what they have said, you have met their needs. So their emotion changes to something more positive.
People who are this upset have usually not really worked out how to meet the need. Neither will they have thought about anyone else. Lastly, they will have been getting away with this behaviour because no one will have challenged it before. You are challenging it. You are showing them that, when they calm down, that you are prepared to talk and you are actively helping them to calm down (a skill which they may find quite hard to learn).
How to Deal with Bullies at Work
by Nancy Slessenger - UPDATED
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How To Deal With Bullies ebook
How to deal with bullying at work, school and home and even what to do if you think you bully others youself. £10.08 |
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The downloadable eBook packed full of practical tips, tools & techniques that you can use to stop bullying.
This book has been updated this year after some requests from our readers who wanted a section on “malicious bullying”.
This is the kind of bullying where a person or people get together and deliberately bully someone else.
I was horrified to hear of one particularly vicious case involving a group of quite senior managers. These things are rare, however, it’s very useful to know how to recognize them and how to deal with them if you are ever unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end.
Page 4 How to recognise a bully
8 specific behaviours to look out for
Page 5 Understanding the bully
“Know your enemy”. The better you can understand what’s going on, the better you can deal with it. You will discover why they are this way, what part status plays for a bully, and why it’s no good trying to reason with them
Page 7 What to do about being bullied – Simple strategies that work
12 simple strategies that will help you deal with bullying
Page 9 Have you been encouraging someone to bully you?
Without realizing it, you may have been making it easier for someone to bully you. Find out three things you need to avoid.
Page 10 If your manager is bullying you
How to deal with a manager who bullies you. You don’t have to put up with it. Find out how to stop it.
Page 13 How to manage someone who is bullying others
If you discover that someone who works for you is bullying others, you need to tackle it. It won’t go away on its own. You will find 11 steps to help you resolve this issue.
Page 16 Senior managers who bully lots of people
This is a particular issue, you’ll find some tips on extra things to do here
Page 17 What to do when someone loses their temper
A great technique that works like a dream. Have this up your sleeve for whenever anyone loses it and you are in the firing line. This will work on your manager, your colleague, a customer (and at home)
New Page 18 Malicious bullying
This kind of bullying is not very common, but when you are the victim of it, it can be a nightmare. It happens when a person, or a group of people, deliberately make your life awful.
This is most likely to happen when you find yourself in a new situation, joining a new department; working for a new manager or starting a new job. You’ll find a real life example (with the names changed).
New Page 20 Make sure you spot it early
A useful rule for spotting this kind of problem before it’s too late.
Four ways of spotting this behaviour
New Page 21 Why you?
A possible reason
New Page 21 How to deal with malicious bullying
A tool you can use to tackle this behaviour with four pages of examples to show you what to say including how to deal with being excluded, being undermined, being threatened and being lied to.
New Page 25 If people in a team that reports to you are bullying you
The “Three Strikes” tool that will squash this behaviour before things get bad.
New Page 27 What if your manager is bullying you?
Seven more things to do if your manager is bullying you in a malicious way
New Page 29 Tackle it early
Why it's so much better to tackle it early
New Page 30 You may be dealing with a sociopath
What to do if you, like me, discover you are in this position
New Page 30 The responsibilities of the company or organisation
If you discover this is going on in your company, you need to tackle it, but it’s not always easy. Here are eight steps you can take to deal with it.
New Page 32 Starting a new job or moving to a new role
A word of warning so that you are on the look out for any problems and can nip them in the bud when you start a new role
Page 33 Am I a bully?
The fish is the last one to see the water, and so it is when you are bullying someone else. Here is a list of nine areas for you to check to make sure that you are treating others as you would wish to be treated.
If you still need help, call me on (+44) (0)1530 224295